T.G.I.F. vs S.H.I.T.

A business man got on an elevator in a tall building
When he entered the elevator, there was a blonde
already inside and she greeted him by saying "T-G-I-F."

He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T."
She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again.

He acknowledged her remark again by answering, "S-H-I-T."

The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest
smile and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F" another time.
The man smiled back to her and once again answers "S-H-I-T

The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said,
T-G-I-F. It means Thank Goodness It's Friday. Get it?? Duuhhh?!!"

The man answered, "S-H-I-T - - - Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

Hyuna......would you please stop using my avatar (the picture of my car) & remove it from your personal profile.

Not only is this considered extremely bad form on forums, but it would also be confusing to readers!

Thank you,
Nick.

Thank you for doing that.
Nick. :)

These three guys go into a barber shop to get there hair cut and face shaved

The first guy gets his cut and the barber says " you want some aftershave"

To that the first guy replies " I'd better not my wife might think i was at a whore house"

The second guy gets his hair done and again the barber asks " do you want aftershave?"

The guy thinks for a moment and says "Hes right I'd better not my wife might think i was at a whore house to".

Then the third guy gets his hair cut and when the barber finishes up he asks again "Do you want aftershave?"

To ths the guy replies sure my wifes never been in a whore house.

:lol:

SO A DYSLEXIC WALKS INTO A BRA.......................BOOM TISH THANKYOU

An interstate trucker seeking a bit of a break from the road spots a brothel.
so he parks his rig walks up to the madam and says."heres $200 i want the fattest ugliest dirtiest girl you have".shocked the madam says."sir for that money you can have the finest sexiest women in this establishment".to that the trucker says."look lady im not horny im homesick".......................thankyou

Kid comes down to breakfast, eager to show off the new word he acquired in the playground the day before.

His dad asks,"What do you want for brekky, son?"

Son says," I'll have f@*&ing cornflakes, thanks", to which his dad smacks him across the head.

Again dad asks. " We'll try again. What do you want for breakfast?"

Again son says, "I'll have f@*&ing cornflakes, please", to which his old man gives him what for in no uncertain terms.

Three times he asks the question with the same result, until finally the son is knocked out.

Angrily the dad turns to number 2 son and asks,"And what do YOU want for breakfast?"

Wide eyed and stunned, number 2 son says,"Well I sure as hell don't want any f@*&ing cornflakes!"

This post has been edited by Trakka: Feb 12 2005, 12:51 AM

Amusement from Hollywood!
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I thought this might brighten a boring day at work!..............

What's In A Name ?................

This good looking man walks into an agent's office in Hollywood and says "I want to be a movie star".

Tall, handsome and with experience on Broadway, he had the right credentials.

The agent asked, "What's your name?"

The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."

The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in order to get into Hollywood,you are gonna have to change your name."

"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather by changing my name. Not ever."

The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for years... you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian!. I`m telling you, you will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able to represent you".

"So be it! .. I guess we will not do business together," the guy said and he left the agent's office.

FIVE YEARS LATER.....

The agent opens an envelope sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter and a check for $50,000. The agent is awestruck ....who would possibly send him $50,000?

He reads the letter enclosed .....

"Dear Sir, Five years ago, I went to your office wanting to become an actor in Hollywood, and you told me I needed to change my name.
Determined to make it with my God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I would never make it in Hollywood with a name like Penis van Lesbian.

After I left your office, I thought about what you said. I
decided you were right. I had to change my name.
I had far too much pride to return to your office, so I signed with another agent.
I would never have made it without changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token of my appreciation.

Thank you for your advice!.

Sincerely,
Dick van Dyke".


Chim chimeny, chim chimeny, chim-chim cheroo....... etc.!!.

Nick. :wink2:

A gay man named Roger goes into the doctor's office and has some tests run. The doctor comes back and says "Roger, I am not going to beat around the bush. You have AIDS." Roger is devastated. "Doc, what can I do?"

The doctor says "I want you to go home and eat 5 pounds of spicy sausage, a head of cabbage, 20 un-peeled carrots drenched in hot sauce, 10 Jalapeno peppers, 40 walnuts and 40 peanuts, 1/2 box of All Bran cereal, and top it off with a gallon of prune juice." Roger asks, "Will that cure me, Doc?"

"No, but it should leave you with a better understanding of what your as*hole is for."

:laughing: ~~~ goodtimes~~~~sarah

Code Word For Sex

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter.

One day the husband told his five year old daughter, "Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter".

The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter." The child went back to tell her father what mommy said.

A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now."

The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand.

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when
he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with
little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled
in the middle.

The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being

pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to
take a closer look.

"That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.

"Thanks" the girl says.

The firefighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has
tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.

"Little Partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you
how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope around the
cats' collar too, I think you could go faster."

The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but
then I wouldn't have a siren."